Your relationship with wealth
What makes someone worry about money? Most people will probably assume it’s the fact they don’t have enough of it, but there’s often more to it than that. Some people can still worry about money despite having considerable wealth. On the other hand, someone with a lot less money could actually be happier, and consider themselves well-off.
This post is all about how we think about wealth. Our relationship with it. Like it or not, money is a big part of our lives and it can change the way we think and feel.
We’ll look at three key areas that I think everyone needs to consider.
This isn’t just about negatives though. It’s a helpful reminder that we can use our wealth to connect us with the things that matter. Everything here could change the way you think about money and the relationship you choose to have with it.
Let’s start off with looking at what we need to focus on.
The essentials
Everyone has things they need to spend money on and they are rarely negotiable. Food, fuel and accommodation are just the start. The basics, that provide a foundation for our lives. We should also do what we can to have some money saved, so we can react to surprises or new opportunities.
It’s safe to say we reach a level of security when we’ve fulfilled these obligations.
It’s often a huge problem if we can’t afford them though. There will be consequences if we don’t pay, and borrowing money could make things worse over time. Situations like this, or just the perception of them, are obviously going to affect our mental health and wellbeing.
While it may sound like I’m stating the obvious as this is a hard line, we simply need to prioritise them or make changes. Unfortunately, the opposite often happens.
The optional
Temptation steps in. That hit of dopamine when we spend our money on something nice becomes way too appealing, and it gives us a chance to take a break from our worries. We spend on what’s optional rather than on what’s essential. None of this helps.
It can be easy to try to escape. To get a glimpse of a life we’d rather be living. Get away from reality and just feel ok for a short time. I shouldn’t have to tell you that none of this helps. Reality will inevitably catch up with us.
We can also bury our heads in the sand and pretend this isn’t happening. Some people may also feel far too overwhelmed to address these issues. They rarely go away though, so it’s important to reach out for help if you need to.
The trap
When someone has faced difficulties like this, the mindset can stay with them. They may have experienced hard times, their parents may not have had things easy or they’ve encountered a sudden and unexpected change.
In stark contrast to the escape mentality, they focus on that level of security. It often isn’t an issue in their situation, but they think and feel it is.
Their focus is likely to be fixed on what could go wrong, and they are always preparing for that rainy day. This isn’t helpful, as they have probably overlooked something important.
When we’ve reached the point where we’re secure, have the right foundations and enough savings to respond to surprises, we can use our wealth to connect us with the things that matter.
The things that matter
We all have things we value. They could be possessions, activities or relationships. Like it or not, money can help us connect with the things that are important and bring us joy. Provide meaning.
Let’s look at how this helps us. I personally enjoy playing video games and always have done. This means that if I spent my money on a games console, it would connect me with something that mattered to me. Something I’m pretty sure I would enjoy doing.
It’s a lot different than just walking into a shop and buying an expensive electrical item that gave be a big hit of dopamine. One that would probably end up gathering dust and eventually being recycled.
The right experiences
Moving away from things, we can focus on the people around us. If you can, try to spend on experiences as they are likely to leave you more fulfilled and happy.
Think about the people you want to spend your time with. What the right experience or activity could unlock. This could take the form of holidays, events or days out. It could also be about any hobbies and interests that take your fancy.
This is all about using your money to connect you with the things in life that mean a lot to you. The key thing about this is focussing on your life though, and that leads us to another big mistake people make when it comes to money.
What YOU value
It can be easy to do things or buy things with other people in mind. This isn’t about gifts though, it’s essentially about showing off.
There’s an expression you should consider, ‘keeping up with the Joneses’. This is where people buy expensive things or try to match the lifestyle of their neighbours and people around them. It’s all about a perceived loss of social status. What someone might think.
Like social media, it is easy to only see the airbrushed highlight reel of other peoples lives. We don’t see what’s really happening and whether wealth has honestly brought them happiness and fulfilment. I’d also think hard about any relationships or judgements that are largely defined on what you have, or what you earn.
When it comes to money, try to focus on running your own race. Spending money on the things you value. We can then ask ourselves an important question.
The question you need to ask yourself
Hopefully, you’ll now have a basic framework to help you start forming the right relationship with wealth. Focus on the essentials and make sure you’re aware when all your needs have been met. It’s then about working out what you value and how you can connect with it. Finally, there’s a question we need to ask ourselves. Before I reveal it though, I’ll explain why it’s so important.
I remember listening to an episode of The Tim Ferriss Show podcast, where he made an observation that stayed with me. He joked that the ultra rich were usually worrying about whether someone had a bigger jet than them. His words point to a vicious circle, that the wrong relationship with wealth can trap us in.
As I said, this really got me thinking. People blame money for causing problems, but it’s surely more about mindset. That need to keep acquiring, to fill holes and make the right impression.
The question we need to ask ourselves is, how much is enough?
How much money do you need to be secure and connect with the things that you value? Again, that’s what you value and not someone else.
At what point do you shift your focus from acquiring and building to enjoying what you have. When do you work out what’s important?
I honestly think everyone needs to ask themselves this question. It could change everything.
Like so much about mental health and wellbeing, we often overlook the importance of our own perspective. How we view something and the relationship we choose to have with it.
It’s just down to you now to really think about what this means to you.
Are you trying to fill holes, impress someone or escape something. Do you know what the results of your hard work will look like?
To start changing your relationship with wealth, just do these three easy things:
Be aware of what you need to do to be financially secure and make that your focus
Work out what you value, not someone else
Ask yourself, how much is enough?
I hope that helps and that you can now start changing your relationship with wealth. Make sure you keep asking yourself that question, how much is enough? Work out what’s important.