Perhaps people don’t change, just values
There’s a huge question that most people will have to consider at some point. Can people change? This is often at a point in a relationship when something negative has happened, or things have been building up. Forgiveness, trust and acceptance are often involved as well.
So can people change? Let’s take a quick look.
Imagine a situation where someone is asking you for a second chance. You need to make a decision, and this often prompts us to look closely at the past, present and future. Some time is likely to have passed since the event that caused the division, and that can be important.
At this point, you should have plenty of examples to draw from in your own life to help you make a decision like this. Stick with me though, as there’s something you may not have considered.
There are a lot of things that can influence someone’s actions. Far more than we can explore here. To start with though, it’s definitely worth considering their past, their personality and what the world around them is encouraging them to do.
I like to look at something else, their values. The things that trigger people’s actions and often help justify or forgive when their conscience steps in. If someone’s focus is on themselves, gaining what’s in their interest and carefully defending it, you’ll have a good idea of what’s likely to happen.
Just think about what can happen is someone doesn’t value honesty and integrity. On the other side, consider what a focus on other people and doing the right thing would look like.
The best thing is, values can change. Life can take people on some interesting journeys. Things happen that make people reassess what’s important, what they stand for.
So next time you’re faced with a difficult choice. When you’re working out if you can forgive someone or give them another chance, I suggest you look for what might be different.
Ask yourself these three easy things:
Have their values changed?
What’s likely to be driving them now?
How have they shown me this?
There’s a lot to think about here. You could also find yourself on both sides of this situation. I hope it helps.